I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
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