I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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