How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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