I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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