i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
