Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
