just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
