Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
