I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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