nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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