Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
