Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
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You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
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I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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