singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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