Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
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