I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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