I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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