Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
