there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
whose parrot is this?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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