John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
