I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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