I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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