There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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