She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
