She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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