PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
