I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
