were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
