if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
