I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
