hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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