Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
