I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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