i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Pants 0. Shit 1.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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