It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
