Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
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College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
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I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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