Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
