I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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