Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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