i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
