dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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