you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I did not marry a roomba.
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