You really coming over, don't trick.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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