did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
