Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
