the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
