dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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