my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
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Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
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I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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