The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
