I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
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I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
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My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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