mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
As shirtless as possible
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
