apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
