i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
