Me. At least after what I've been through.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.