umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.