omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?