So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
