Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
