i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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