he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
