Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
