Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
